Lately my ongoing attempts to live a creative life and spark creativity in others have not led to enough satisfaction or sense of purpose for me. I seek sustained changes and new results that only full reinvention can spark. My typical back door methods--perhaps a splash of charm or a well-placed creative quip--are no longer cutting it.
It's time for me to jump into the cold water of reinvention and learn how to swim, even if my flesh has to wrinkle and age and prune and peel.
Okay, so let me repeat from last week: Reinvention cannot happen unless there is a fundamental change in belief about myself. I can't just wear purple clothes and say I have been reinvented. I have to change something within--something that shifts my guiding mindset--and let it work its way out. Maybe it's possible to do that instantly but I've never discovered how. Coming up with new ideas is not my problem. But they lead only to occasional reinvigoration. Not real reinvention.
So I've decided to change a fundamental belief--the belief about my identity itself. I've been stuck in whoever I thought I was and not able to bring about changes I wanted in my life. So forget whatever my identity was two weeks ago. As of last week, I took on another, may the flags be unfurled and words now capitalized.
I am a Warrior of Aliveness.
Yes, you heard me. Warrior. Of Aliveness. That's the new identity I have been working from in order to realize reinvention that sticks. Warrior of Aliveness. WOA.
If you know me, you know that I am not a particularly warmongering man. Yet there is something about the uncompromising mission of a warrior that appeals to me right now. And generally I believe in language grounded in specific, concrete reality. "Aliveness" doesn't really do that. But it works for me. I will explain more in the future.
For now, as I've been settling into this new identity, I've realized that I need an ongoing power source to survive in this world. It's not easy to be a Warrior of Aliveness in the thought-mind I currently own or in the 21st century Chicago culture I am surrounded by. So I must find certain kinds of fuel that enable my warrior-fire to burn within. I now go off to seek it.